“I’m waiting for you, I’m waiting for the evening calm, I’m waiting for our time, the oblique light, this pause between day and night. Peace will come, surely. But I can imagine no other peace than that of our two bodies bound together, of our gaze given over to each other – I have no other homeland but you.” - Albert Camus, in a letter to María Casares (1949)

Because Hilary lives in Boston and I’m in New York, we like to meet halfway along the train line—in a variety of glamorous suburban Connecticut towns. (Below a picture form this week’s visit to New London.)

We make this trip about every six months to eat mediocre pizza, watch a 90’s tragic hero movie (Last of the Mohicans! First Knight!), and talk and talk and talk. It’s a practice that sustains our friendship, a “vow of attention” as the poet Spencer Reece puts it—but not half as creative as this week’s newsletter topic.

Jamie Roach lives in NYC and Catherine Hanna Schrock in San Diego—so a simple train ride isn’t possible for them. Instead, they’ve co-created a practice they call Prayer Song, and I can’t wait to tell you about it :))

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Creating Prayer Song

Catherine and Jamie both come from a theater background and have known each other for nearly 20 years, so there’s a playful, earnest, and courageous quality to their friendship.

“I recognized how often I wanted to call friends and talk about what’s on my mind—but I couldn’t find consistency in that. Sending voice notes back and forth involved so much waiting,” explains Jamie. “I wanted to download with someone in a ritual weekly basis.”

So, every Tuesday morning, they get on Zoom and start with a little check-in. Jamie sits in a big blue chair at home while Catherine heads out for a very early morning walk.

Then, once they are both settled, one speaks for about 15-20 minutes about what’s really going on in their life. Even when things wind down, the other asks the magical question, “Is there more?”

Reader, there is always more!

But here’s the really special part. After the sharer comes to a close, the listener responds with an improvised prayer song. It’s a made-up tune with made-up lyrics—all of it inspired by what the sharer has just spoken. An imperfect, personal, blessing-like witness of what the listener has just heard.

Sometimes the listener will start with a little melody that’s familiar and evolve into a new direction. Sometimes there are rhymes and sometimes not. The point isn’t to make a cool or catchy song—it is to respond to the place of need they have heard in one another’s sharing.

“What is it that you need healing for?” is how Catherine puts it.

“I would call it a replacement to where prayer used to fit in our lives as post-Evangelical people. I feel like I have this ache or sadness or distraction or conflict in my life, and we used to get together in circles and commit to prayer for each other—calling on the divine to help us. And that need—even though the religion part has changed—that need and the longing to communally call on help and blessing—that still exists.”

“We often feel like we are a kind of channel for the other. Through the song we can call certain things in. We can cry for help together.”

Jamie agrees. “It’s always intended to be asking something for the other person.”

To help keep track of what he’s hearing, Jamie will make notes in a little notepad next to his chair. To help inspire metaphors or images, Catherine will start her prayer song by naming the trees and flowers and sky that she can see along her walking route.

After two years of doing this every week, the time together has become precious. “It’s now so ritualized that I feel like my soul can’t live without it!” Jamie jokes. “We even do it when we just connect on the phone at other times, too!”

Cosmic Collaboration

But don’t you feel self-conscious a little bit? I ask. Making up a song in the shower is one thing—but to offer an improvised tune with words is super hard, right?!

“I remember the first time I was on an improv team when I was a student—and I was terrible at it,” Catherine says. I was not an improv person. And I’m not a trained singer! I’ve never sung in a choir. But it’s about trusting our gut—trusting our spirit. Singing however it comes out.”

“Jamie’s trust in me is healing in itself. He invites me into radical play and I’m like, ‘Really? Okay! Here I come!’ Not having to sound amazing or wise helps me let go.”

“It’s amazing to know that there’s something I said that he experienced as significant and beautiful. All of that is healing.”

Laughing, Jamie agrees, “I rarely feel self-conscious about it now! The only thing I sometimes notice is that I force an issue or a theme—and I will try and stop and try to re-channel before I carry on.”

The key seems to be to try and speak from beyond the self. Jamie describes trying to have a relationship with something beyond himself. “Spirit. Ancestors. It’s so rare to be able to listen and participate with something that’s out there.”

“Yes,” says Catherine. “We’ve called in significance beyond us—an ancestral knowing. Cosmos. Something! It is super valuable and grounding. I would be parched without it.”

How To Start

The key is to start with something simple.

Even just singing someone’s name to them can be powerful. Catherine sings my name to me as an example and I feel a sweetness in it; like she’s taking the time to see me in some richer detail. I’m a little nervous and giggly, too, but settle into it soon enough.

“Trying to just sing that essential ask back to them is the next step,” she explains. To me she sings, “May you be well from your head to your heart. From your toes to your fingers. May you be well.”

So simple. And it feels wonderful!

“It doesn’t have to be long,” adds Jamie. “You can write down any words or phrases or names that they’ve mentioned and repeat a little melody as you list them back. Plus, you can pause whenever you want—you don’t need to start straight away.”

“We can all do this,” promises Catherine. “With your voice you can sing. You can reflect.”

I leave the call feeling like Prayer Song is a profound act of relational care. These two creative souls have found a form in which their spiritual connection can flourish.

May we each grow our friendships so imaginatively! And maybe give Prayer Song a go, ourselves :)